FAA would have a kiniption. A
good last flight briefing.
Life is Good
In God We Trust
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Slightly political humor from Capt Tom …… but lighten up. This is still funny!!!
From: Tom Kenna
Date: Wed, Jul 15, 2020 at 9:46 PM
Subject: Phone calls from Hell.
Subject: Phone calls from Hell.
This made me laugh out loud!
A Texan, A Floridian, and a Californian all die and go to hell.
While there, they spy a red phone and ask what the phone is for.The devil tells them it is for calling back to Earth.
The Texan asks to call Dallas and talks for 5 minutes. When he is finished, the devil informs him that the cost is a million dollars, so the Texan writes him a check.
Next the Floridian calls Miami and talks for 30 minutes. When he is finished, the devil informs him that the cost is 6 million dollars, so he writes him a check.
Finally the Californian gets his turn he calls San Francisco and talks for 4 hours. When he is finished, the devil informs him that the cost is $5.00. When the Texan hears this, he goes ballistic and asks the devil why the Californian got to call San Francisco so cheaply.
The devil smiles and replies, "Since Gavin Newsom took over, the state has gone to hell, so it's a local call".
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Pre-warning. Use of graphic language!
Thomas Day
DEAR VALUED PILOT EMPLOYEE:
The airline industry is in a crisis. Its business model doesn't work with the current level of capacity in the marketplace. We need to make changes in response.
While there have been several successful fare increases, those increases haven't been sufficient to cover the reduced demand. As fares increase, fewer customers will fly. As fewer customers fly, we will need to reduce our capacity to match the reduced demand. As we reduce our capacity, we will
need fewer employees to operate the airline. Although these changes will be painful, we must adapt to the reality of today's market to successfully navigate these difficult times.
Therefore, a program to phase out the more senior pilots by the end of the current fiscal year, via retirement, will be placed into effect immediately. Under this plan, senior pilots will be asked to take early retirement, thus permitting the retention of the new-hires who represent our future.
The airline industry is in a crisis. Its business model doesn't work with the current level of capacity in the marketplace. We need to make changes in response.
While there have been several successful fare increases, those increases haven't been sufficient to cover the reduced demand. As fares increase, fewer customers will fly. As fewer customers fly, we will need to reduce our capacity to match the reduced demand. As we reduce our capacity, we will
need fewer employees to operate the airline. Although these changes will be painful, we must adapt to the reality of today's market to successfully navigate these difficult times.
Therefore, a program to phase out the more senior pilots by the end of the current fiscal year, via retirement, will be placed into effect immediately. Under this plan, senior pilots will be asked to take early retirement, thus permitting the retention of the new-hires who represent our future.
This program will be known as SLAP (Sever Late-Aged Pilots). Pilots
who are SLAPPED will be given the opportunity to look for jobs outside
the company. SLAPPED Pilots can request a review of their employment records
before actual retirement takes place.
This review phase of the program is
called SCREW (Survey of Capabilities of Retired Early Workers). All
pilots who have been SLAPPED and SCREWED may file an appeal with upper
management.
This appeal is called SHAFT (Study by Higher Authority
Following Termination) . Under the terms of the new policy, a pilot may be
SLAPPED once, SCREWED twice, but may be SHAFTED as many times as the
company deems appropriate.
If a pilot follows the above procedure, he/she will be entitled to get: HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel's Early Severance) or CLAP (Combined Lump sum Assistance Payment). As HERPES and CLAP are considered benefit plans, any pilot who has received HERPES or CLAP will no longer be
SLAPPED or SCREWED by the company.
Management wishes to assure the younger pilots who remain on board that the company will continue its policy of training pilots through our: Special High Intensity Training (SH!T). We take pride in the amount of SH!T our pilots receive. We have given our pilots more SH!T than any company in this area. If any pilot feels they do not receive enough SH!T on the job, see your Chief Pilot. Your Chief Pilot is specially trained to make sure you receive all the SH!T you can handle.
Once again, thanks for all your years of service with us.
Sincerely, Your Well-compensated Golden-parachute-in-position Senior VP
Management Leadership Team
If a pilot follows the above procedure, he/she will be entitled to get: HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel's Early Severance) or CLAP (Combined Lump sum Assistance Payment). As HERPES and CLAP are considered benefit plans, any pilot who has received HERPES or CLAP will no longer be
SLAPPED or SCREWED by the company.
Management wishes to assure the younger pilots who remain on board that the company will continue its policy of training pilots through our: Special High Intensity Training (SH!T). We take pride in the amount of SH!T our pilots receive. We have given our pilots more SH!T than any company in this area. If any pilot feels they do not receive enough SH!T on the job, see your Chief Pilot. Your Chief Pilot is specially trained to make sure you receive all the SH!T you can handle.
Once again, thanks for all your years of service with us.
Sincerely, Your Well-compensated Golden-parachute-in-position Senior VP
Management Leadership Team
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