From: George
Date: 2/3/2017 8:51:27 AM
Subject: Leave it to a sailor.
The Department of the Navy is now assigning
females to quarters in a separate private OFF LIMITS area on all aircraft
carriers.
Addressing all boat personnel at Pearl Harbor, CINCPAC advised, "The female sleeping quarters will be out-of-bounds for all males. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $50 the first time."
He continued, " Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $150. Being caught a third time will cost you a fine of $500. Are there any questions?"
Addressing all boat personnel at Pearl Harbor, CINCPAC advised, "The female sleeping quarters will be out-of-bounds for all males. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $50 the first time."
He continued, " Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $150. Being caught a third time will cost you a fine of $500. Are there any questions?"
At this point, a Senior Chief Petty Officer , stood up in the crowd and inquired: "How much for a season pass?"
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From: Thomas Sweet
Date: 1/25/2017 9:52:35 PM
To: Mark
Sztanyo
Subject: Fwd: A pilot gets home late
A pilot gets home late
A pilot left home about 8:30 a.m. to do some work in his airport hanger with his friends. On the way out the door he answered his wife's "What time will you be home?" question with, "Probably about 1:30. I'll have lunch at the airport."
1:30 came & went, 3:00 passed, 6:15, still not home. Finally, at about 7:00 p.m., he rolls into the driveway, and presents his wife with a pizza, and begins the apologetic story.
"I finished cleaning the plane about 11:30, had lunch, and I started home, when alongside the road I saw this attractive girl with a flat tire on her car. I stopped to help, got the tire changed, and looked around for a place to wash my hands. She offered money, but I refused, so she suggested that I at least allow her to buy me a beer. She said there's a tavern just up the road, and they have a restroom, and i could clean up there. I agreed and we had a beer, then another beer, then a couple more, and I realized that this girl was not only pretty, she was very friendly, and a good companion to spend time with. Before I knew it, we were in the motel next door having sex. And that is why I am so late getting home."
His wife looked him right in the eye and said "Don't lie to me; YOU WENT FLYING, DIDN'T YOU?"
A pilot left home about 8:30 a.m. to do some work in his airport hanger with his friends. On the way out the door he answered his wife's "What time will you be home?" question with, "Probably about 1:30. I'll have lunch at the airport."
1:30 came & went, 3:00 passed, 6:15, still not home. Finally, at about 7:00 p.m., he rolls into the driveway, and presents his wife with a pizza, and begins the apologetic story.
"I finished cleaning the plane about 11:30, had lunch, and I started home, when alongside the road I saw this attractive girl with a flat tire on her car. I stopped to help, got the tire changed, and looked around for a place to wash my hands. She offered money, but I refused, so she suggested that I at least allow her to buy me a beer. She said there's a tavern just up the road, and they have a restroom, and i could clean up there. I agreed and we had a beer, then another beer, then a couple more, and I realized that this girl was not only pretty, she was very friendly, and a good companion to spend time with. Before I knew it, we were in the motel next door having sex. And that is why I am so late getting home."
His wife looked him right in the eye and said "Don't lie to me; YOU WENT FLYING, DIDN'T YOU?"
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From: George
Date: 1/16/2017 5:25:37 PM
Subject: The Great Flydini.
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Funny.
Enjoy. Laugh. Harriet
This was only
performed once, on the Johnny Carson Show in 1992. It
was a good thing
they taped it, because it was never done again. Steve Martin, as The Great
Flydini.
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