Humor / Sobering / Fun - HL 220 (4)

Very sobering but very good!!!!

From: CLARK

Date: Thu, Nov 6, 2014 at 9:32 AM
Subject: BEST Beer Commercial


This is a great commercial... among the best to date! Especially now when most of the new commercials on TV are sick and dumb!

Even Budweiser couldn’t top this one… Well Done Guinness!

Usually beer commercials are full of goofy characters and funny gags, but this one carries an important message.

Guinness’ "Empty Chair" salutes the character of a community as they honor one of their own who is out of sight, but not out of mind. They remind us that a true test of character is what you do when no one's looking.

Beer Commercial Reminds Us To Always Remember The Troops  http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=rx0MRawkrj4

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Now for some laughs.   Since I have grandchildren I got a kick out of the following:

From: Ed Uselmann

Date: 11/11/2014 3:39:36 PM

To: undisclosed-recipients:,

Subject: edu: Butt Dust

What Is Butt Dust??

What, you ask, is 'Butt dust'? Read on and you'll discover the joy in it! These have to be original and genuine. No adult is this creative!!

STEVEN (age 3)
hugged and kissed his Mom good night. 'I love you so much that when you die I'm going to bury you outside my bedroom window.'

BRITTANY (age 4)
had an ear ache and wanted a pain killer. She tried in vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her mom explained it was a child-proof cap and she'd have to open it for her. Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: 'How does it know it's me?'

SUSAN (age 4)
was drinking juice when she got the hiccups. 'Please don't give me this juice again,' she said, 'It makes my teeth cough..'

DJ (age 4)
stepped onto the bathroom scale and asked: 'How much do I cost?'

CLINTON (age 5) was in his bedroom looking worried when his Mom asked what was troubling him, he replied, 'I don't know what'll happen with this bed when I get married. How will my wife fit in it?'

MARC (age 4) was engrossed in a young couple that were hugging and kissing in a restaurant. Without taking his eyes off them, he asked his dad: 'Why is he whispering in her mouth?'

TAMMY(age 4) was with her mother when they met an elderly, rather wrinkled woman her mom knew. Tammy looked at her for a while and then asked, 'Why doesn't your skin fit your face?'

JAMES (age 4)was listening to a Bible story. His dad read: 'The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city but his wife looked back and was turned to salt.' Concerned, James asked: 'What happened to the flea?'

Kids say the darndest things.....
The Sermon I think this Mom will never forget...

And finally the answer to the question:

This particular Sunday sermon....'Dear Lord,' the minister began, with arms extended toward heaven and a rapturous look on his upturned face. 'Without you, we are but dust...' He would have continued but at that moment my very obedient daughter who was listening leaned over to me and asked quite audibly in her shrill, little four-year-old girl voice, 'Mom, what is butt dust?' 

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From: George

Date: 11/7/2014 8:30:58 PM

Subject: "Yea, An Ole Salt's Tale"

"Yea, An Ole Salt's Tale"

Dear Phearless Phlyers & Aviation Aficianados...

 The rain was pouring and there was a big puddle in front of the pub just outside the Air Force Base.

A ragged old Naval Aviator, wearing his Winged ball cap, was standing near the edge with a fishing rod, his line in the puddle.

A curious young Air Force fighter pilot stopped and asked what he was doing.

'Fishing,' the old guy simply said.

'Poor old fool,' the Air Force officer thought and he invited the ragged old Naval Aviator aviator into the pub for a drink. 

As he felt he should start some conversation while they were sipping their whiskey, the haughty fighter pilot asked, "And how many have you caught?'

'You're the eighth,' the old Naval Aviator answered. 

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From: dave wall

Date: 11/4/2014 12:37:49 AM

To: Marksztanyo

Subject: Fwd: UK Suicide Bombers go on Strike

BBC News - UK Suicide Bombers go on Strike

Muslim suicide bombers in Britain are set to begin a three-day strike on Monday in a dispute over the number of virgins they are entitled to in the afterlife.

Emergency talks with Al Qaeda have so far failed to produce an agreement.

The unrest began last Tuesday when Al Qaeda announced that the number of virgins a suicide bomber would receive after his death would be cut by 25% this February from 72 to 54.

A spokesman said increases in recent years in the number of suicide bombings has resulted in a shortage of virgins in the afterlife.

The suicide bombers' union, the British Organization of Occupational Martyrs (or B.O.O.M.) responded with a statement saying the move was unacceptable to its members and called for a strike vote.

General Secretary Abdullah Amir told the press, "Our members are literally working themselves to death in the cause of Jihad.

We don't ask for much in return but to be treated like this is like a kick in the teeth"

Speaking from his shed in Tipton in the West Midlands, Al Qaeda chief executive Haisheet Mapants explained,

"I sympathize with our workers concerns but Al Qaeda is simply not in a position to meet their demands.

They are simply not accepting the realities of modern-day Jihad in a competitive marketplace.

Thanks to Western depravity, there is now a chronic shortage of virgins in the afterlife.

It's a straight choice between reducing expenditures or laying people off.

I don't like cutting benefits but I'd hate to have to tell 3,000 of my staff that they won't be able to blow themselves up.

Spokespersons for the union in the North East of England, Ireland, Wales and the entire Australian continent stated that the change would not hurt their membership as there are so few virgins in their areas anyway.

 According to some industry sources, the recent drop in the number of suicide bombings has been attributed to the emergence of Scottish singing star, Susan Boyle.

Many Muslim Jihadists now know what a virgin looks like and have reconsidered their benefit packages.

 


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