Humor / Sobering / Fun - HL 162 (2)

From: Barry Boustead Date: 3/15/2013 12:29:09 PM To: Barry Boustead Subject: This says it all!

 A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous
 pasture in Montana when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced toward him out of a
 cloud of dust. The driver, a young man in a Brioni® suit, Gucci® shoes,
 RayBan® sunglasses and YSL® tie, leaned out the window and asked the cowboy, "If
 I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you
 give me a calf?"
 
 Bud looks at the man, who obviously is a yuppie, then looks at his
 peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, why not?"
 
 The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell® notebook computer, connects
 it to his Cingular RAZR V3® cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the
 Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his
 location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an
 ultra-high-resolution photo.
 
 The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop® and exports
 it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany,,,
 
 Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot® that the image has
 been processed and the data stored. He then accesses an MS-SQL® database
 through an ODBC connected Excel® spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry®
 and, after a few minutes, receives a response.
 
 Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech,
 miniaturized HP LaserJet® printer, turns to the cowboy and says, "You have
 exactly 1,586 cows and calves."
 
  "That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says Bud.
 
 He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on with
 amusement as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.
 
 Then Bud says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your
 business is, will you give me back my calf?"
 
 The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?"
 
 "You're a Congressman for the U.S. Government", says Bud.
 
 "Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"
 
 "No guessing required." answered the cowboy. "You showed up here even
 though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to
 a question I never asked. You used millions of dollars worth of equipment
 trying to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don't know a
 thing about how working people make a living - or about cows, for that
 matter. This is a herd of sheep.
 
 Now give me back my dog.
 
 AND THAT FOLKS IS WHAT THE PROBLEM IS ALL ABOUT.

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Fr:10 AM

Subject: It's so bad - - -

The Economy is So Bad I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail. CEO's are now playing miniature golf. Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen. I saw a Mormon with only one wife. I bought a toaster oven and my free gift was a bank. Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America. Motel Six won't leave the light on anymore. A picture is now only worth 200 words. They renamed Wall Street " Wal-Mart Street." When Bill and Hillary travel together, they now have to share a room. The Treasure Island casino in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali pirates. I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I called the Suicide Hotline. I got a call center in Pakistan , and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck...

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