From: Tom Jacobus
Date: 12/12/12 07:37:45
To: Mark Sztanyo
Subject: The
Glamorous Life of a Pilot
The following might be considered humor by some. For others,
it probably hits too close to home.
Tom Jacobus
The
Glamorous Life of a Pilot . . .
22 years old. Graduated from college. Go to military flight school.
Become hot shot fighter pilot. Get married.
25 years old. Have 1st kid. Now hotshot fighter jock getting shot at
In war. Just want to get back to USA in one piece. Get back to USA as
Primary flight instructor pilot. Get bored. Volunteer for war again.
29 years old. Get back from war all tuckered out. Want out of military.
30 years old. Join airline. World is your oyster.
31 years old. Buy flashy car, house and lots of toys. Get over the
Military poverty feeling.
32 years old. Divorce boring 1st wife. Pay child support and
Maintenance. Drink lots of booze and screw around while looking for
2ndWife.
33 years old. Furloughed. Join military reserve unit and fly for fun.
Repeat above for a few more years.
35 years old. Airline recall. More screwing around but looking
Forward to a good marriage and settling down.
36 years old. Marry young spunky 25 year old flight attendant.
37 years old. Buy another house. Gave first one to first wife.
38 years old. Give in to second wife to have more kids. Father again.
Wife concerned about "risky" military Reserve flying so you resign
Commission.
39 years old. Now a captain. Hooray! Upgrade house, buy boat, small &
nbsp; single engine airplane and even flashier cars.
42 years old. 2nd wife runs off with wealthy investment banker but
Still wants to share house (100%).
43 years old. Settle with wife # 2 and resolve to stay away from
Women forever.
Seek a position as a check Captain for 10% pay override to pay
Mounting bills. Move into 1 bedroom apartment with window air
Conditioners.
44 years old. Company resizes and you're returned to copilot status. 25%
pay cut. Become simulator instructor for 10% override pay.
49 years old. Captain again. Move into 2-bedroom luxury apartment
With central air conditioning.
50 years old. Meet sexy Danish model on International trip. She loves
You and says you are very "beeeeg!"
51 years old. Marry sexy Danish model for wife #3. Buy big house,
Boat, twin engine airplane and upgrade cars.
52 years old. Sexy model wants kids (not again). Resolve to get
Vasectomy.
54 years old. Try to talk wife out of kids, but presto, she's pregnant.
She says she got sick after taking the pill. Accident, sorry, won't
Happen again.
55 years old. Father of triplets.
56 years old. Wife #3 wants very big house, bigger boat and very
Flashy cars, "worried" about your private flying and wants you to
Sell twin engine airplane. You give in. You buy a motorcycle and
Join motorcycle club.
57 years old. Make rash investments to try and have enough money for
Retirement.
59 years old. Lose money on rash investment and get audited by the IRS.
You have to fly 100% International night trips just to keep up with
Child support and alimony to wife #1 and #2.
60 years old. Wife #3 (sexy model) says you're too damned old and no Fun.
She leaves. She takes most of your assets. You're forced to retire Due to
Age 60 rule.
No money left.
61 years old. Now Captain on a non-schedule South American 727
Freight outfit and living in a non-air conditioned studio apartment
Directly underneath the final approach to runway 9 at Miami Int'l.
You have "interesting" Hispanic neighbors who ask you if you've ever
Flown DC-3's.
65 years old. Lose FAA medical and get job as sim instructor. Don't
Look forward to years of getting up at 2 AM for 3 AM sim in every
God-forsaken town you train in due to the fact your carrier can find
Cheap, off-hours sim time at various Brand X Airlines.
70 years old. Hotel alarm clock set by previous FedEx crewmember goes Off
at 1:00 AM. Have heart attack and die with smile on face. Happy at Last!
22 years old. Graduated from college. Go to military flight school.
Become hot shot fighter pilot. Get married.
25 years old. Have 1st kid. Now hotshot fighter jock getting shot at
In war. Just want to get back to USA in one piece. Get back to USA as
Primary flight instructor pilot. Get bored. Volunteer for war again.
29 years old. Get back from war all tuckered out. Want out of military.
30 years old. Join airline. World is your oyster.
31 years old. Buy flashy car, house and lots of toys. Get over the
Military poverty feeling.
32 years old. Divorce boring 1st wife. Pay child support and
Maintenance. Drink lots of booze and screw around while looking for
2ndWife.
33 years old. Furloughed. Join military reserve unit and fly for fun.
Repeat above for a few more years.
35 years old. Airline recall. More screwing around but looking
Forward to a good marriage and settling down.
36 years old. Marry young spunky 25 year old flight attendant.
37 years old. Buy another house. Gave first one to first wife.
38 years old. Give in to second wife to have more kids. Father again.
Wife concerned about "risky" military Reserve flying so you resign
Commission.
39 years old. Now a captain. Hooray! Upgrade house, buy boat, small &
nbsp; single engine airplane and even flashier cars.
42 years old. 2nd wife runs off with wealthy investment banker but
Still wants to share house (100%).
43 years old. Settle with wife # 2 and resolve to stay away from
Women forever.
Seek a position as a check Captain for 10% pay override to pay
Mounting bills. Move into 1 bedroom apartment with window air
Conditioners.
44 years old. Company resizes and you're returned to copilot status. 25%
pay cut. Become simulator instructor for 10% override pay.
49 years old. Captain again. Move into 2-bedroom luxury apartment
With central air conditioning.
50 years old. Meet sexy Danish model on International trip. She loves
You and says you are very "beeeeg!"
51 years old. Marry sexy Danish model for wife #3. Buy big house,
Boat, twin engine airplane and upgrade cars.
52 years old. Sexy model wants kids (not again). Resolve to get
Vasectomy.
54 years old. Try to talk wife out of kids, but presto, she's pregnant.
She says she got sick after taking the pill. Accident, sorry, won't
Happen again.
55 years old. Father of triplets.
56 years old. Wife #3 wants very big house, bigger boat and very
Flashy cars, "worried" about your private flying and wants you to
Sell twin engine airplane. You give in. You buy a motorcycle and
Join motorcycle club.
57 years old. Make rash investments to try and have enough money for
Retirement.
59 years old. Lose money on rash investment and get audited by the IRS.
You have to fly 100% International night trips just to keep up with
Child support and alimony to wife #1 and #2.
60 years old. Wife #3 (sexy model) says you're too damned old and no Fun.
She leaves. She takes most of your assets. You're forced to retire Due to
Age 60 rule.
No money left.
61 years old. Now Captain on a non-schedule South American 727
Freight outfit and living in a non-air conditioned studio apartment
Directly underneath the final approach to runway 9 at Miami Int'l.
You have "interesting" Hispanic neighbors who ask you if you've ever
Flown DC-3's.
65 years old. Lose FAA medical and get job as sim instructor. Don't
Look forward to years of getting up at 2 AM for 3 AM sim in every
God-forsaken town you train in due to the fact your carrier can find
Cheap, off-hours sim time at various Brand X Airlines.
70 years old. Hotel alarm clock set by previous FedEx crewmember goes Off
at 1:00 AM. Have heart attack and die with smile on face. Happy at Last!
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
From: Charles W Crow
Date: 12/30/2012 9:24:29 AM
Subject: George Hobica: 17 Things Your Flight Attendant
Won't Tell You
17 things flight attendant won't tell you
Written by Ketali
Mehta on December 30, 2012 - Google+
New York, Dec 30: From what a flight attendant thinks about the passenger to what they'd say if they had the nerve, 17 things that a flight attendant won't tell a passenger has been revealed.
Things that flight attendant will not tell a passenger:
1. The coffee that passenger order is actually a decaf even though they asked for a regular, the Huffington Post reported.
2. When the flight attendant "arm" the doors on the aircraft, each flight attendant checks the work of his colleague at the opposite door as once in a great while they forget to arm the doors, which means the emergency slides won't automatically deploy if needed in an emergency.
3. The flight attendant are usually paid only after the wheels of the aircraft leave the ground. They don't get paid even when they are taxiing and there can sometimes be hours of delay between the time they show up for work and when they're airborne. Different airlines have different policies, but it's a way for them to save money.
4. If a flight is delayed, the airline might have to pay the flight attendant's overtime so if the flight is going to be late anyway, they delay it even further in order to make sure overtime kicks in.
5. The flight attendant's can upgrade passengers to business class or first class after the airplane's doors close but they don't do it very often, partly because on some airlines they have to file a report explaining why they did it, partly because there has to be a meal for the passenger and partly because the forward cabins are often full. It helps if the passenger is extremely nice, well dressed, pregnant, very tall, good looking, one of their friends or all of the above.
6. If they could ask they would have told passengers not to take a computer or a newspaper in the lavatory as not only was it gross but it meant that the passenger was going to be occupying it longer than they should.
7. They also don't know what the plane is flying over and is as clueless as the passenger, so no need to ask.
8. They dislike people doing deep knee bends in their galley when they are trying to work.
9. Passengers jiggling their glass of ice at them doesn't make them dash to the galley for a refill. In fact, it makes them want to scream.
10. When they ask passengers what they'd like to drink and they ask me "Well, what do you have?" they want to answer "Not a lot of time."
11. They want to yank passenger's headphones off their head after they've asked them what they want to drink and they've responded "huh?" three times. After the fourth time they just move on or give them a Coke.
12. The flight attendant ask the captain to leave the seatbelt on long after the turbulence has ended so that they can serve in the aisles.
13. On night flights, they sometimes hold off on meal service as long as they can so that the passenger goes to asleep and they'll have less to do.
14. All male flight attendants are not homosexual, even if they might look like they are.
15. They really don't like children
16. If a passenger pokes they feel like poking them harder.
17. Passenger's shouldn't ask where they can shove your bags.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
From: Lane Browne
Date: 12/29/2012 11:08:31 AM
Subject: Best
Quote ever!!
Judge Judy to Prostitute:
"When did you realize you were raped?"
"When did you realize you were raped?"
Prostitute (wiping away tears): "When the check
bounced."
The American Public may soon reach the
same conclusion
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